Brother David Bradt, California-Davis ’03, welcomed his firstborn son into the world in August 2015. In an ongoing blog series for SigEp entitled “Lessons in Manhood from a Father to his Son,” David shares his thoughts on what manhood means in the modern world. Sometimes serious, sometimes funny, always thought provoking, this series seeks to capture the journey towards manhood that every father and son experience. Read, comment, engage, share and enjoy.

To my Son,

Check your ego at the door, young man.

Your attitude while experiencing anything, but especially something challenging, is the difference between a positive, growth-oriented experience and a negative, status quo-reinforcing one. When you enter your arena, whether that be school, relationships, your career, your health, your family, or something else, you must possess a certain level of humility in order to be able to learn and grow.

I don’t care how good you think you are. I don’t care what others have told you about the skills you possess. The greatest leaders in history have known that a degree of humility and the ability to admit mistakes, and grow from them, is integral to succeeding in life. I have made mistakes as a man. I have made mistakes as a leader and a father and a husband, but the only mistakes that I ever regret are the ones I made due to too much ego.

Let me give you a sports example to drive this home. Imagine you’re a talented athlete. Imagine you’re the most talented athlete on your high school team. You show up every day and excel. Because of this success you make it to the next level of competition. You show up on day one thinking you’re the best, the same way you were in high school—except now you’re in college. Now you’re surrounded by athletes that were all the best on their high school teams. You walk in the doors the same way you used to with the knowledge that you are the best. Your chin is held high and that confidence can be seen and felt by everyone around you. Then you meet someone who is better than you. You go toe to toe with someone who is more talented than you and, after your competition, is standing over you as the victor. Tell me, son, at that moment when you’re lying there exhausted, what is going through your head? You’re most likely angry at being embarrassed. Your preconceived notions about your own ability have been shattered. You’re questioning whether or not the man you thought you were is the man you actually are.

That feeling you have is called an opportunity for growth. At that moment you have two options. The first is to stay angry and resentful and blame others for your failure. You can tell yourself it was just a fluke. You can convince yourself, as many people do in this life, that you really are better than those around you and your competitor most likely cheated. You can choose to go down that path or you can choose a second option. The second option is to stand up, brush yourself off, and ask yourself, “How did I fail?” You can choose to take ownership over your failure and realize that it is only a learning opportunity on the turbulent path towards success. You can look at your opponent and study his moves. You can learn from your failures again and again until one day you stand against your opponent with the tools and ability to succeed. On that day you are the victor.

The only question to ask yourself now is which choice will you make. Which path will you take down that road called growth? Many make the wrong choice, but I hope that you will have the humility and maturity to check your ego at the door. Do that, my son, and you cannot lose.

– Your father