Brother David Bradt, California-Davis ’03, recently welcomed his first born son into the world. In an ongoing blog series for SigEp entitled “Lessons in Manhood from a Father to his Son” David shares his thoughts on what manhood means in the modern world. Sometimes serious, sometimes funny, always thought provoking, this series seeks to capture the journey towards manhood that every father and son experience. Read, comment, engage, share and enjoy.

To my son,

Raising you to be a great man is my joy and my responsibility. This is sacred to me.

What does it mean to be a man?

In this letter and those that follow, I will give you my thoughts on some of the facets that make up the answer to this extraordinarily complicated question.

First of all, I must state with absolute conviction that there is no one ultimate definition of manhood and anyone who tells you otherwise is either ignorant or trying to sell you something; sometimes both. My wish for you is that one day you create your own definition of what it means to be a man. Before you are able to do that, I offer these thoughts to help you along your way.

There exists in our world an endless litany of authoritative sources of information. When discussing the topic of manhood, these sources are rarely brave enough to talk about the concept of “the total package.” I refer to the idea that a man is not just one thing. A man can be physically strong and mentally resilient and also possess a deep reservoir of emotion; what some may call sensitive. The very best men that your father has ever known possessed all three of these things and, even more importantly, never felt that they had to apologize for any of them.

Your father’s college fraternity, Sigma Phi Epsilon, uses the concept of the “Balanced Man” to express the idea that a man must seek to achieve a harmony and a level of greatness in many aspects of his life vice just one. A financially successful man who has achieved every imaginable professional pursuit can not, by this definition, be considered a success in life if this financial success comes at the expense of his family. I promise you son that you will one day realize that your family is infinitely more important than the never ending pursuit of profit. The good news is that they aren’t mutually exclusive. In fact, the most successful men I know use the personal successes in their lives to drive further heights in their professional lives and vice versa.

The unfortunate reality is that our society is not comfortable with this idea of the total package. We seek to simplify. We seek to dumb down. We do this with our products, our news, our friends and our politicians. Most people dislike being challenged. The man who seeks to embody more than just one facet of life will be met with hardship, confusion, and sometimes even scorn. I challenge you to be strong enough to withstand this hardship and to emerge on the other side a better man than you were before. Do not allow society to tell you that you believe one thing or another. Decide for yourself what you believe and commit to those beliefs. Surround yourself with others who challenge and support you to meet your potential especially if those people refuse to allow you to settle for mediocrity. In those types of people you will find your greatest friends.

Moderation is for cowards my son. Do not devote yourself to half measures or participate in your life in anything but a committed way. Live with great courage and do not be afraid to dedicate yourself to the idea of the complete and complex man. That is the total package.

– Your father